Olympic Torch

Ah. So exciting. Nixie will understand it more when the torch is lit in Vancouver. Right now she just thinks we had her pose with some stranger off the street. By fluke we were standing right in front of a torch exchange. Hope all my fellow Canadians make it out to their respective community celebrations. It was worth it :)

Lazy Snowy Wishes

Is it a bad thing to hope that the teacher I work for decided not to go to work today? All the buses in her board and mine are cancelled. Hubby is off today too.

A lazy day in the house with the family would be nice :)

December Life

And the season begins. We decorated a little early this year. I think part of it is how stressful I've found this fall...I love Christmas and its beauty. I hope it is enough to settle things down a little (plus I have two weeks off).

This post contains bits and pieces of new. Mostly because that is how my brain is working tonight :)

* Today I took part of the day off (leaving hubby with the boys) to go with Nixie to a panto called 'Rumpelstiltskin.' A day spent with 100's of school students is hardly a day off. I did however get to meet the boy she's talked about at home for the past 3 months. On the bus, Nixie turns to the little boy behind her - cute dark eyes, hair and dark skin (..just like daddy) and says 'Caleb, I love you.' Ga www.......I was so amused and a little scared. She can't really be growing up so quickly.

* The little packages above were what Nixie has helped me make for her teachers. Homemade tomato sauce, pickles, Turtles and the little gingerbread men are filled with vegetable pasta. It is a meal for two 'ala' Nixie. Great idea and cut packaging.

* 3 weeks ago Nixie had H1N1. So said her doctor. She is okay.

* Omie and Poppa moved this week. I hope it went well.

* Grandmother C., who has broken her knee badly in a fall, has had to have a second surgery and will likely not be home for Christmas :(

* Our new doors and windows are being put in on the 17th and 18th of December - cutting it a little close to Christmas boys :)

* We are picking out our new kitchen floor. I want dark, Hubby wants light...sigh. We used to have the same decorating style. At least we agree on the bathroom.

* The pattern for my niece/nephew's quilt came in the mail. I haven't quilted in a few years. I'm excited but man, when will I find the time to tackle this project ??

*Tomorrow is a PA day. That means I have Nixie and the boys. Busy day. I think we will hit up the Y for a swim and maybe go see Santa at the mall and bake some cookies. A little ambitious maybe. With that note...maybe I should go to bed.

Night.

Gosh, my head is full.

Today was surreal. I'm still very much in my head about it.

It has only been a few years of tentative relationship building between my birth grandparents and myself. A few day visits to their aging property.

And each visit I've mulled over, pulled apart and relished in the conversations. The little insights, stories of family and my grandparents rose coloured remembrances of times past filtered through my eager ears are pleasurable. I'm certain such events are painted now with memory-tainted brushes yet I am glad that they are at peace with their past. Even more so, I am glad they both seem at peace with me being in the present.

So why so much mulling today? Final visit to the farm. 120+ years of history sold. Before I'd even built a relationship with my birth family I'd researched this property. I read the census reports on how many cows, pigs, sheep wheat, children etc.... any information I could attain about the farm. I love research. It is so fallable and yet so easily accepted as truth.

In light of a beautiful fall afternoon I took a walk about the property. In the collapsing barn, discovering an ancestor's name on a barn door that may be old-news to all those who grew up there but so excitingly new to history buff me. The 5th and 6th generations walking a familiar and unfamilar path. I knew full well that this would be the first and last discovery of the like for me.

So, romantically and unrealistically, I dream of a connect between the history of this farm and myself. I walked the field feeling the comfort of being 'home' when I know it is not home. I'm am acutely aware that this sale may be causing chaos and pain for those 'truly' connected to its history. Still, today for me, history remained in the past...even mine..and it really didn't matter. I was just so thankful for the opportunity to be there in that moment and thankful to my bmom for letting that connect happen.

A side note: Nixie really is upset about the family dog being moved to a new home and can't understand where the guy whose name on the barn door went (he would be 5 generations from here). She thought that he (said ancestor) had taken the dog away to a new home. It was difficult in the moment to explain 100's of years of family members and how we don't live forever in light of her mourning the missing family pet.

Bucket List

Although my father-in-law insists that many of the items on this list are a 'waste of time'...I still dream about doing them...and hey...I should dream big.

So here's my bucket list. (aka - things to accomplish before kicking the bucket).

List of 50…
1. Work/volunteer in a library or as a archivist.
2. Foster a child/teenager.
3. Get a dog (believe me this is a life altering decision for a cat-lover)
4. Take a backwoods camping trip.
5. Visit New York City and attend a Broadway play.
6. See the Grand Canyon.
7. Paint a painting
8. Compose a piece.
9. See the northern lights.
10. Visit Ireland (I will not kiss the Blarney stone.)
11. Get to Lifetime membership in WW.
12. Learn to drive a standard vehicle (properly).
13. See my daughter get married.
14. Get one more piercing.
15. Ride a horse.
16. Join a quilting club
17. Be debt free.
18. Play flute in a orchestra/symphony/community band.
19. Have a work of writing published.
20. Win a prize in a contest ** September 5/09 Won a BOOK. Woohoo!
21. Wear a formal dress.
22. Show Nixie the Mayan Pyramids I climbed as a child.
23. See the Egyptian pyramids.
24. Have a butterfly land on me.
25. Take a boat trip (another fear) up the Canal or through the great Lakes.
26. Remodel the shop on the side of our house.
27. Be part of a great volunteer organization.
28. Run 5km race.
29. Learn to skate backwards properly.
30. Find out what happened the boy who proposed to me in Russia when I was 16.
31. Take a 100km bike trip.
32. Drive to the East Coast.
33. See a whale.
34. Make a snowfort.
35. Grow an apple tree (or two) and harvest at least 25 apples.
36. Meet a celebrity in a totally human scenario.
37. Get my husband to read one book he’s excited about.
38. See the Olympics live (not Vancouver unfortunatly)
39. Win a Ribbon in a Horticultural Competition ** Aug 15/09 3rd place Dahlia + Special Award
40. Re-learn to read/write in basic Russian.
41. Learn 100 words by sight in Dutch.
42. Climb a Rock Wall.
43. Have a pig roast and moon-dance party.
44. Hold my grandchild(ren).
45. Read one book a day for one year.
46. Find a relic/artifact/antiquity.
47. Name a star.
48. See a tornado – from very very very far away.
49. Touch a lion.
50. Save a starfish.

Where did two months go?

Um. I've probably lost all my readership.

Two months of silence via this blog is pathetic. I wish there was an excuse - not likely will I find one eloquent enough to blog here.

I've been blogging away on my weight-loss blog pretty faithfully but I don't think all of me can be contained in a day to day food and exercise memo to the world.

For instance:

* I've started writing again. Scary. I'm delighted by beauty and need to explore that creative side a little more (other than creative food). You might see some of it here.

* Nixie is growing up and I've left her out of the blogging world for a little to long. For those who came here for updates - um....she's 6 now, 4 foot tall, riding horses independently and completely like her mother - except for her looks. I'm completely dreading her teenage years and trying to hold on desperately to these ones.

* I'm working on a bucket list. I've already wrote it down and crossed things off it this summer - but hey, such an expansive list deserves a completely ambiguous audience.

So, I'm back to being finally my own. See you soon :)

Benjamin DE 1990 - 2009

On Wednesday morning, a young man whose story and life with cancer over the last year, passed away just shy of 20 years.

His mother has been faithfully writing her love, her faith and her son's tremendous journey out every day for the past year and 1000's if not 10000's were reading, hoping and praying.

Two weeks ago, the family brought Ben home from LHSC to 'live'. In his final days he loved his family, enjoyed the company of friends and as he slipped into hallucinations he spoke of light and food and the wonderful things before his eyes that no one else could see.

My prayers are with his mom, dad and 3 siblings.

Ben, I KNOW you are somewhere far better. Thanks for touching my life :)